for(int count = 0; count < 1000000000000000000000; count++)
{
Console.Writeline(”Would you like to buy this t-shirt?”);
string answer = Console.ReadLine();

if(answer == “yes I bloody do!”)
Console.Writeline(”Good stuff”);
else
Console.Writeline(”Well why not? It’s perfectly good and sums your existence up completely”);
}

While your best mate eats your favourite selection meat and garbage from the local fast food store, instead of politely asking them for a bite, or even better, a meal for yourself too (simply because your too damn skint to afford one yourself) why not ask them for a bit of RSS.

Come on, pass it over. You’ve got the entire selection of RSS feeds from the BBC website, as well as everything Yahoo can chuck at you, so why not ‘ave a bit of theirs too. You’re missing out, as well as them, don’t ask for it, wear it. You’ll be surprised how many post-it-notes get stuck to you while you sit there watching them eat their meal that you’ve only dreamed about buying.

You’re awesome right? More awesome than google.co.uk? or bbc.co.uk? Damn straight you are! So advertise that fact with this snazzy little number showing that you have achieved the internet Holy Grail that is PageRank 10!

What’s that? PageRank isn’t everything? What the hell do you know!?

My link-backs, you want them.

The truly awesome don’t need to brag. They quietly advertise their awesomeness.

Wear one of these and you’ll notice a change. There’ll be knowing nods at web design conventions, forums the world over will be buzzing with talk of “the one who wears the t-shirt”, ALL women EVERYWHERE will fancy you.

So what are you waiting for? Purchase a t-shirt that bares the “Green bar of eternal hapiness” today!

I often like to wear this t-shirt at social occassions. I take with me a friend who I designate as my “aggregator”. Throughout the evening I whisper XML code in their ear which my friend then passes on to others in a form they can understand. Invariably people then copy what I have said and use it in their own conversations, passing off my ideas as their own, telling my jokes, that sort of thing.

Little do they know I have been feeding them misinformation and thus I get the last laugh. Ha.

RSS based puns. They’re few and far between. We played with a few: “Get of my field of vision you RSS candle!”, “Get bent you worthless RSS heap!”, but we decided to go with a classic. Short, punchy, to the point. Inspired.

Well, you think of a better one…

Spam: Love or hate it, you just have to hate it. Spread the word about spam, but in a way that doesn’t hack off the entire planet by filling their inboxes with junk with this funky Spam t-shirt.

I’m more than a little annoyed with IBM. They’ve made my life a little bit harder.

I’ll explain why.

The majority of IBM employees in the 60s were geeks of gargantuan proportions. Massive be-speckled,  Star Trek debating, quantum physics understanding nerds. This in itself is not a bad thing if it weren’t for their intrinsic inability to get laid. You see this affected the naming process of the numeral system they invented, now known as hexadecimal code.

Hexadecimal is a bastardisation of Latin and Greek. “Hexa” is the Greek for “six” while “decimal” is derived from the Latin for “tenth”. So why didn’t they just use the Latin “sexa” for “six”? Quite simply because this word reminded them of something they’d only read about. It scared them.
And why does this enrage me so? Well, I could’ve written some witty puns on the word “sex”, referring as it does to the act of sexual intercourse. Instead you’ve been subjected to this rather tedious and not entirely accurate history lesson.

In conclusion, buy this t-shirt.